Could you please not call the cops today?

Well it is my last day at Stinson and then I'm on my way to other adventures.
Last night was pretty quiet meaning no fights or police, so I had time to sit and think about my time at Stinson. I mean, surely there was some reason that fate had put me in this house considering I could have took any other jobs but settled on Stinson because I felt like " I was going to help people".
Really I put myself in a situation in which I didn't help anyone but realized some important lessons. Although they may be small, they must be the reason why I was put in this situation. Today I will come away with a small amount of affection for a human being that is very cruel and is able to get underneath my skin like no one I've ever met in my whole entire life. This kind of thing is hard. My manager really cares for this certain client often stating "Yes but he has a big heart" and whenever she makes excuses for him I can only imagine that certain people did the same thing for John Wayne Gacy. Coming away from it now I guess it must be one of my lessons, no one is completely evil and it is possible to care about everyone even people you hate.

On Monday the beginning of baseball season I found myself sitting in front of a police officer balling my eyes out. The day started out with two of the guys getting in a fight then the smaller one running out of the house and calling the police. When this happens I am so embarrassed because the police officers file in to find just me and one of the other guys sitting there talking. For me I feel like a complete failure as a counselor because I couldn't stop this from happening. I had no control over the guys or the situation. Even after all this time and investment I still felt shit on, no authority or no lessons learned from the men. During this period I am usually solid and show no emotion. My manager also feels this is the best response being as this is the best way to show the guys that "they haven't won". But this time I realized that it was pointless, maybe my time here, any thing that I tried to teach and when the officer asked "Are you okay" I just sat down and started to cry. Because it's true, no matter how hard you try you can't possibly control anything, that is just the way life is.
So seeing as nothing I have implemented has stuck I analyzed the original motto of why I went into this situation. " I want to help people". It is a natural way to want to care for your fellow neighbor but now I realize that when you go into it for a reason, chances are the only people that your going to help is yourself. The men are who they are, they always will be. The house will stay the same no matter who goes in and out like a national monument. Things are the way they are and in the end the only one who really needs the help is maybe myself. Maybe I need a little more understanding of what it is that makes me...well, me then men who come with a whole book of a risk management plan that lays it out like it is.
I could go on and on, but now I'm ready to move on. Ready for something different and new things to learn.
Today I am grateful for too many things. That's always good.