There are some nights that allow you to understand the reason why you wake up everyday. Sometimes you have magical evenings which tugs the whole world together. I haven't had much contact with my Indian side of my family since my dad died except for funerals. Tonight I went over to my aunt Sues home where I was met up with my brother Larry and his family, along with my other aunt Lavonne. When I entered the door we exchanged casual talk to one another when my Aunt Sue looks over at me and says, " Do you know it's your dad's birthday today?"
Whenever I hear about my dad or talk about my dad my heart sinks a little. Being around talks of fry bread and news of his other sisters I realize that it's all for a reason. Just that Sue so happens to have a stock of orange Sunkist that my father always kept around in the fridge for when I came over when I was young and just the reason that he knew we were all drifting apart terribly. But reunion and drinking mass amounts of soda weren't the only reason Albert had brought me here on this specific day but the fact that I had a job to do.
A couple of years ago my Aunt Harriet had passed away. She was considered the most beautiful one of the family having a slim figure, dark complexion and a face that would absorb any kind of light you gave it. It was through my aunt that I realized that beauty can also be a horrible gift believe it or not. Leaving the reservation when she was young much like my father she began to learn what it was like dealing with attention from other men. The one story that really sticks out in my mind was when she stole her sisters husband. One night another sister named Debra came home to see both Harriet and her husband sleeping together. Debra, who was also supposedly a beautiful woman at the time, immediately went insane to which she had to be transferred to a mental hospital. I only heard stories of this while Harriet was around my fathers house and my aunts were in the smoking room gossiping about her because it was that weekend they were picking up Debra to see my dad before he passed away. This was all hard to believe until Debra finally did show up in slippers, a side pony tail and tattered clothing. Her facial features dropped like a sad dog. Debra couldn't hold a thought and would often trail off in gibberish. Hearing stories were overwhelming because I could only remember an aunt that would play dress up with me to make me feel like I was the most beautiful thing in the world even though I was incredibly awkward looking. A woman that liked to take me to Chinese restaurants and weird shops with exotic objects from all over the world.
At Harriet's funeral one could hardly recognize her. There were talks of drug usage and her final end. When my boyfriend at the time and I were leaving her only son pulled a table up to her coffin so that he could lay next to her the rest of the night before she was brought back up to the reservation to be buried. Sadly, before she left he was quoted to say "I'll see you soon mom" to which he died of a heroin dose a year later.
With all that said Harriet had no one to leave her burial to except her sisters who aren't exactly wealthy. My Aunt Sue and her family decided to make the arrangements seeing that they were really the only ones. They didn't have money for a plaque for her site so instead they had a craftsman that they knew make a large wooden cross who later would paint it white. They presented it to me to have it painted with roses and her name with a tiny quote. Seeing that before my father was about to pass away he would tell everyone that I was about to become artist I felt like he knew his sister needed this and this was yet another reason why he had gathered us all together.
Life is weird isn't it? It all comes together so easily and you begin to see the real side of things. I was also able to see my niece and nephew. They are beautiful. Before I left my niece who is already three now gave me a huge hug. It was a wonderful moment for me as I never get to see any of my brothers (larry and ryan) children because I live so far away. It's weird because they have no idea how much I love them and for the lack of contact they probably think I don't care about them at all. Everyday I look at their pictures above my computer or when I'm down I pull out their pictures from my wallet. I let their names ring inside my head for a while biidaabinokwe, eyaabe, ogiimaabinesiikwe, Josephine, Lindsey and Zak. I love them so much and think about them all the time. Isn't that an amazing thing to think about? That there is someone out there right now who loves you so much and thinks about you all the time that you don't even know? wonderful isn't it?
well, with all that said today I'm grateful for my father and his birthday. I keep thinking it would be wonderful if he were here but he really is, honestly.
I'm about to leave but I haven't told you about the real story behind the title of my blog if you don't already know. When I first decided on an gratitude journal I wanted to think of a name that really meant something. I thought of beautiful people and wonderful places. It then became apparent that I would name it Leona in the Park after initially my second aunt Leona who I would send letters back and forth as a child. She lived in Arizona and would tell me stories about Norway, my family and all of their amazing adventures. Even after everything tonight I realized that my grandmother on my fathers side is also named Leona as well. Even though she passed away very young to leave thirteen children and an alcoholic husband I remember my father describing her attributes to me. How when I picked up a musical instrument that it reminded him of her since she could play the guitar very well. I would imagine all the children laying on the floor listening to the strings vibrate against the empty open plains and prairie grasses.
As for the park, well it's very personal but I can tell you it's one of the things that I dream of just about every single day.
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