I give myself a day of sulk and then it's time to just move on.
I've done my fair share of heartbreaking and I feel that by now I've received my equal share. I think the straw that broke the camels back was last night while sick from a hang over I found myself at a hole in the wall bar with a condom tied around my neck at my sister in law's bachelorette party where I ran into Dan the very first person that I had some intimate connection to when I moved back to Minnesota. The very last thing I was thinking about was running into an ex that absolutely hated my guts as I took only my second beer while being screamed at by a bunch of middle age women who for a majority of the night talked about things with dildos that my younger group of friends would get squeamish in their chairs.

So there he was with our immediate eye contact and the only thing I could say was "you totally hate me." I tried to shake off my nerves by realizing that this was the way it always was with Dan and I. If we hadn't talked in a while It would mean that I would run into his brother while I was working, or we would see each other on a major highway and he would pull me over. So it was not really surprising I guess it was just at that exact moment I wasn't ready for it.

After a small awkward conversation I found myself with my beer looking over at Dan and wondering why I hadn't gone through with it. At the time there were reasons why I was such a jerk but why couldn't I just look past all that or at least just tried to put all my problems on hold for someone that could have potentially been a great addition to my life?

That night I sat on a pink party bus complete with a stripper pole while watching women sip through penis straws as I could over hear another girl on the bus who had approached Dan and exchanged numbers with him. Maybe a little sad but mostly happy for Dan it really just made me miss the one person I cared for who had left me so carelessly. It was a good reminder I guess on my own way of handling people's feelings that I hoped wouldn't come in such a manner.
Today I ate too much food, listened to a lot of Beyonce, wore my fat sweater around the house and spent time with my four therapists the women from sex in the city. It sounds kind of silly but it was just what I needed!

So on all of the positive notes I am going to have my first art show next month. I am so nervous.