So the other day I was at Caribou ordering a coffee when I spot my favorite male barista. He is dark and gorgeous and also one thing definitely younger then me which makes me feel kind of gross. As I'm pulling out of the parking lot I begin to tell myself that "Well, Your not really THAT old.. I mean it's not impossible to date someone who is probably 21. I mean...your like????how old are you?" For about six blocks I was positive that this year I was going to turn 25 but then for four more blocks I corrected myself in that I would be turning 26. It wasn't until I reached my house and pulled out a calculator that I was actually going to be 27 at the end of the year.
" I forgot how old I was"
she starts laughing, rubs her nose, "oh you..."
"No, I mean I had to pull out a calculator!" I take a sip out of my beer as we watch a retro group laugh and dance to soul music.
" I guess I'm going to be 27 this year! 27 can you believe it!" her mouth opens and eyes roll back in a mocking way, " Whatever, anyways how young do you think is too young to date?"
We move to the bar and over her shoulder Megans yells, " I don't know like 23?"
"What! so not like 21? Thats so unfair guys date younger women all the time! well there is this really cute younger guy that I think is cute and I could date.......maybe"
"How young is he?" She asks, " 23?"
Some times there are breaking points. Everybody has them. For example when I was about 9 and my brother was fourteen we would make it our absolute goal to once a night annoy the shit out of our grandmother who lived with us and babysat us. Of course someone who drinks and smokes while occasionally telling me I need to loose weight and my brother needs to try harder in school could hardly be construed as babysitting. Either way, we would fight about everything such as the television or toys. One day my Grandmother out of no where screamed something like "YOU DAMN KIDS" as she threw her hands up and just left. My brother and I were in absolute shock. In no way did we ever think that she would leave us at night all alone. Maybe our idea was moving out or going into an insane asylum but never to the point of just leaving two pre teens by themselves. At first it was total freedom. We could stay out late and jump on the couch. I remember the beauty of the first three minutes of Tom and I looking at each other in complete silence slowly realizing that we have gained our hard earned freedom. When seeing who could consume the biggest bowl of cereal and jumping on things that we weren't supposed to became old we became sick with disgust and worry. Before my mom was to return from the night shift our grandmother came home holding a McDonald's cup. She then rubbed in our faces the glory of being able to eat fries and a big mac.
"What else did you eat grandma?" my brother asked
"Then I just drank coffee the rest of the time."
"The rest of the time!"
"you betcha" as she pulls out a cigarette in satisfaction.
I'm not sure where my breaking point became, well actually I'm very sure of it but I'm not sure how in the hell I got to this point but I broke all over the place causing a weird turn in events in my life mostly meaning not being such an alcoholic. It was really hard at first but I have now narrowed my drinking down to maybe two times a week at most. But like all addictions I found that my going out has been rapidly replaced by behavior I exhibited in high school. My days are spent playing too much tetris, watching television, downloading music and eating just massive amounts of chocolate cookies. Just a really weird place. The great thing is I feel better, that is things seem clearer and I'm finally on top of all my homework.
This morning I woke up extra early just as the sun was rising and before anyone was stirring and I went for a walk around lake phalen to enjoy the last snow of the year. It was really breath taking. It was nice to start the day of like that. Really romantic in a way.
No comments:
Post a Comment