"No! You have it wrong and that is not what I said!" its early in the morning. I'm about to go on a rampage in five minutes after hanging up the phone about my rights as an employee, how mostly I'm right in this argument and how my work just doesn't ever listen....or get it.
My manager, "No I don't just make up your schedule Carrie I remember when you told me about the days you wanted to work. You knew, Are you checking your emails or what!"
her tone is much like my mothers and I back down. I know I'm not going to win this fight and I've officially been as rude as I could be before I hit the thin line of actually losing my job. I fill the rest of the conversation with Uh huhs and Okays until I hang up the phone. "This is going to be a fucking great day" I lean over in Dave.
Hours later I think of how mean I was and how the situation of my schedule mix up really was both of our faults. Hard for me to admit I apologize later in an email and she sends the same back to me saying the same thing. Its both our faults.
I met him when my best friend Jina moved. Sure I've met him before but this is the first time that I've actually hung out with him. Ever since that day we were inseparable. Like soul mates of some kind.
He called me July fourth but I missed his phone call and when I listened to it every organ in my body paused. I'm still not ready, I think. Our last conversation just months ago was me screaming at him telling him to stop calling me and I'm changing my fucking phone number. He still calls and I still haven't changed my phone number but I just let it go to voice mail.
This was or is my big summer of growing up. I think its hard to forgive yourself and other people. Now that I've officially started to forgive myself, love and open myself to long term relationships with people, careers, and ideas I think I'm officially ready to forgive him which I have and maybe some how he knows it.
good lessons happen on days that start off bad.
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