I'm always amazed at people who can fix things or just the act of fixing things is absolutely astounding. Making something look as good as new is nothing short of a miracle to me. I think the best example I have is my tooth.
One night I was at a concert with my boyfriend Dave and his friend. I was holding my second summit when I started to laugh at something and tried to take a drink at the same time. Doing this not only made me look incredibly uncool but in the act I also chipped my tooth leaving a big gap dangling in the front. When this happened my thoughts went immediately to "shit I never thought this would ever happen..I mean...I've made fun of people who chip their teeth but I never thought it would happen to me!" and a run down of all the stupid things I've ever done while drinking summit. Seeing that it included mooning people, crashing into someones car, and telling people to "You know what...fuck you man...that's right....you guys can all fuck off " I decided that this was it, I'm never going to touch a summit again...well for at least two weeks anyways.
At the dentist office a quirky, grey haired, large rimmed glasses Ann looked into my mouth with her magnifying lens, " Oh yes...well we can just chisel that right down. Have you ever done that before? I'm going to tell you what normal teeth look like then I'll guide you while you sand down the chip."
I'm confused and she hands me the mirror and takes the cotton out of my mouth.
"Okay...now normal teeth look different from each other. They are not perfect....OH wait..here you go"
She hands me the tool and tells me I'm supposed to sand down my tooth as I'm holding the mirror still.
"Okay...now what was I saying...OH yeah...this is how you hold it.."
"What?! seriously?........ummmm..okay but do I have to pay for this?"
She's the type of person that never really hears what you have just said and keeps on with her train of thought, "I BETCHA I can putty that thing! I can..okay Nadiya...we will need the ...." and off her voice trailed while I looked in the mirror at my tongue messaging the gap in disappointment that I wouldn't be able to perform my own cosmetic dental surgery.
"So you were going to school for art the last time I saw you? how is that going?"
I'm laying down on the chair as she sticks brand new cotton in my mouth, "Goodth buth ah decidedth to go backth to school"
"OH really?! wow...well what are you going for this time dear?" she pours white putty into my mouth
"Grapthic designth"
She applies a tool that sends heat waves throughout all my front teeth. "Did you know I was a Graphic Designer? Yeah that's what I did for years until Quark came out. When they came out with that I said "Darn it everyone is going to be a graphic designer with this program" It was just so easy! I became a dentist after that. There all done."
She takes the cotton out of my mouth and rinses. I turn to her, "well, yeah Ann but I'm really hoping that my talent as a fine artist will show through..and you know make me really stand out"
She hands me the mirror, "Everyone is a Graphic Designer"
There it was. A tooth that had never been cracked gleaming in all of it's glory. Everything about it looked the same as before. The same non white sheen as the rest. The rounded yet uneven edges. It was like nothing had ever happened at all.
"Look! what is that?" Dave is pointing to some kind of a bird flying around Lake Phalen, " I think it's a hawk"
We watch it hover around the lake for a while. It's amazing all the things that you can see at lake Phalen. You can see a guy walk around with this monkey in different outfits that sits on his shoulders, you may run into the psycho cyclist, the tattooed lady who runs around the lake, see sailboats and parades, and sometimes even a dead body. The other day I saw an abandoned pink balloon walk along the trails at 7 am.
"Hrm...thats weird...."we watch it as it finally dives into the water to pick up a fish. I turn to Dave, "Don't you think you should be wearing a hat? And Mittens? It's so cold out here."
So for a week straight my thoughts were completely concentrated on work. School work and whatever busy work I left in my free time. It was great because my mind didn't wander on anything else that wasn't important. For the first time, I felt that I was completely one hundred percent secure with my relationship. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have finally let go of everything and now I am a completely different person. No more running from things. No more baggage. Taking things head on..taking them from the horns and wrestling it to the ground.
This is what I thought until one night later in the week Dave and I were hanging out being bored and decided to play a game we sometimes did when there was nothing else to do called trust.
"Okay, So now you fall into me and I'll catch you" Every time Dave turns his back and prepares to fall backward I always think how funny it would be to not actually catch him. "Ugghhh..your kind of heavy."
"Okay now let me do you.." he positions himself next to me.
"Okay!Okay!" I say in excitement until when I get up there I notice this sudden urge of wanting to back out. I thought of other excuses like..."maybe we should just watch t.v" or telling him the truth "I can't do this tonight" but I stand there for a while securing my footing until I'm sure I've buried them in the apartment floor a story below us.
"You can fall now,"
"Okay....your ready?" Thoughts race through my mind like "what the fuck? what happened?" and "how can I really trust a guy with a beard anyways....like what is he hiding under there anyways?" and "Please don't drop me Please don't drop me Please don't drop me"
"okay....so your ready"
he laughs, "Yes I'm ready"
to buy time I keep saying "Are you sure?" and laugh making a joke of it but I realize that my sudden cocky attitude of my feelings toward the relationship earlier was simply nothing more then jumping of the gun. While going down the list "How can you trust someone who never listened to NOFX" and "He is the best person I have ever met" I settle on
"Okay, but I love him. More then I know."
And I just did it. I fell and he caught me.
Of course.
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