What you can't see...

Well if the world ends tomorrow this could very well be my last post so what better way to potentially end my blog then to talk about Santa Claus.

I remember the very first time I found out that there was no Santa Claus and it was in the school lunch line when I was in the third grade before Christmas break. As my friends giggled about my sudden realization that Santa was really my parents I was absolutely crushed. In fact I can still feel my heart break into two even to this day. It was like the world had stopped. All those years, all those cookies, and all those glasses of milk, all the letters and decorations, and effort only to be given to my parents. Who of course at that time I didn't think they deserved any of it well not like Santa deserved it. When I went home later that night my mom tried to let me down easy, only to later be crushed to a pulp by my brother, "Yea Mom is Santa Clause, duh, how old are you? are you retarded?'
To this day, if it wasn't for the lunch line I'm not sure when my belief in Santa would have faded. I've always been late to the party and for sure always the most pokiest. In fact around third or second grade was around the time I lost my training wheels on my bike only because Mean fat Melissa and her cronies from down the street bullied and made fun of me so bad I was forced to take them off which my dad did in huge relief.
Look, I'll be straight with you. You will have to grow up. And once you do it will be a weird but fun ride, if you chose it to be. I just turned 31. In no way do I feel even close to this age, except when I'm bending over to pick something up and I have to slowly ease my way up because of my aching back. Sure, all your life you'll be bullied or pressured. Even to this day there are people telling you how to live, or my age acting older then me. There are people with children who say you begin to grow old or have to go to bed early every single night. For a long time it sounded horrifying, just like taking off the training wheels or living without Santa but once you get over the hump there is a whole new perception unlike any other. While your not ready its the best surprise. When your filled with knowledge and ability, then you take what you have and decide what you now want to make out of it. I'm out of training wheels, do I just want to ride around the block on the smooth pavement or do I take it on the gravel hills in my back yard? No Santa, or is there really a Santa, in the form of people giving and loving. Whatever road you walk, stroll, run or wheel down I suggest to always choose the light hearted one, the adventurous one, the one that makes you always feel young and free.
So is there a Santa? now that its Christmas, all I can say is yes of course. Now that I'm older, I know more about the world, about people, about truth, I believe in Santa more then I ever have when I was a kid. Its just not one I'll ever see, but I'll be honest, not seeing is one of the best forms of believing.

Holidays when you are older are the best time to make up your own traditions if you come from a family that never had any, or to keep on the same ole ones that you've always loved when you were younger. We never really had any, except that we always opened presents on Christmas day. Dave and I have started to make some of our own, like driving around looking at lights on Christmas Eve and always going to see Its a Wonderful Life in theater.

So far, its been a great holiday and a wonderful year besides Steve passing away. I'm so grateful I've met Steve. I would have never wanted to have not met him or not have had him come into our lives. I really wish he was here now, about to spend time with us in the upcoming days. He's in a better place I know, with so many other wonderful people. I miss him so much, its been a rocky holiday season as he is so much on our minds.

The other night we brought homemade treats to all of our surrounding neighbors. There will be a time in your life you start to decide what kind of person it is that you want to be. Being the person that takes the time to get to know who you live by and cares about your community is definitely a good route to take, as I have started on the that path. I have a lot of funny stories, and long descriptions of my colorful neighbors which I will wait and share with you soon.

Happy Holidays!xo