The loneliness number

When I first gave the guys from Stinson my phone number, I knew immediately I was going to regret it. I didn't really have a choice because I knew either way there was a good chance that my digits would leak through the crack and eventually find it's way in the hands of one constant telephone dialer. For a while, I used to get calls from the guys all the time but one guy in particular Mark would call me the most.
Sometimes I would pick the call up to hear Mark banter about going to coffee or San Antonio Texas to get the hell out of dodge. I would laugh then shrug off his call every time I would see it on the caller ID because I know that a good chance it is his obsessive compulsive behavior that really makes him call about six times a day.

This weekend I came in terms with my very own desperate loneliness. You know the kind, the kind that makes you just about call every single person you possibly know. Not just call, but other forms of communication such as text messaging and email are suddenly involved. After harassing an old boyfriend for about the third day in a row I began to think "Carrie, what the hell are you doing?" Thus, it made me think of Mark and how I too, am not so far from a man that believes at times he is John Wayne. I realized that Mark was just lonely as I and somehow we've managed to see eye to eye now that we are not currently talking anymore and I no longer get six phone calls a day.

I'm not very good at dwelling in loneliness, in fact I will do anything to avoid it. This weekend I've managed to successfully run away from it up until about eight o'clock tonight by drugs, company, running and sleeping. When I came into my room I realized there was nothing else I could do but just deal with it. Being at the end of the night I'm happy that I'm not a blubbering piece wailing to loved ones but that I'm fine and ready to end the night on some kind of thoughtful note.
So I guess tonight I'm grateful for my awesome party...of one.