I really like my job but often in the morning now I find myself second guessing myself about if I can even do my duties. I guess today was the worst because I knew that I would be up on the second story today drilling which made me really nervous. Not only that but lifting the 80 pound ladders around was starting to scare me. When I get to the site I guess I just shut off all the internal talk because it does nothing for me considering I can't just leave I'm already at work. So lately I've just pushed myself out of my comfort zone and I've never felt better. I'm one of those people that hesitate to do things different because when I do things for the first time I want to not look like an idiot and someone that knows what they are doing. These last few days in the morning when I first start out I look like a complete idiot. I have no idea what I'm doing and I"m far to careful which slows me down. But I finish everything that I'm supposed to complete and I think my mentor is proud of me which makes me happy. Most of all It's awesome to realize that I did something that I thought I never could do and something most women never do so I'm a good representation for women besides the usual idea that we consist of chocolate and periods.
The carpenter lifestyle if funny because it's filled with conversations about girlfriends and wives who are always termed "old lady" and I'm always very surprised at how much guys gossip when they are together. There is always a "Oh Heck" or "What the Heck" thrown in the day and a guarantee that the recycle bin will be filled with Mountain Dew or Doritos. Working with your hands I now am completely filled with bruises, scrapes and blood blisters which I think it funny that anyone would think of working with your hands in a romantic sense. I can honestly say that I love it for right now and I have no idea where this path will lead me if anywhere which is very exciting as well. I'm learning constantly all the time which is the most important part of life.
Today I'm grateful for a moment I had over the last weekend. I was thinking of someone so much that it was pathetic and then I received a phone call. I don't know how you feel but when you want to hear someones voice so bad and when it comes to you on it's own it's an amazing fleeting feeling. I realized really how rare those moments are and for hours after the phone call I tried to just keep that excited feeling in my stomach for as long as I could before it left with the rest of my exhale and probably the last of the recycled newspaper from my lungs.
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