Typical Monday Stuff.....

"I have to ask you a really serious question," I lean into him. He looks concerned for a minute. " If you were a really big person...like big like Godzilla big..would you eat cars to see what they would taste like?"
he doesn't laugh and he thinks about it for a minute, " maybe but I would already know what they are made of and how bad they are for me...maybe I would just bite on one..

I remember the first move he made on me.
It took maybe the fourth date and I think if we were really technical it was "hey do you want to lay on the floor with me?" but I actually count the act right after.
I fell asleep on his noisy tummy while watching Flight of the Concords. My palm was closed on top of his chest when he gently put his thumb inside and enclosed his fingers around my hand. It was the sweetest move ever.
I'm hanging on him after couple of drinks. Its made my Monday to tell him all sorts of stories. I don't know if I deserve it. Sometimes it takes really wonderful things to make you grateful. Like winning the lotto.

I'm driving to her apartment building. Something is looming in the air on the east side and its thick. I drive by Case Ave. I see the apartment building behind hers. It dawns on me. Shit this is where it happened.

This morning while skateboarding through the woods I thought a lot about her. I wonder if she knows how much I think about her. I want only the best for her, she is wonderful. Today she is dull like a firefly on the second day of being in its jar.
"Not no more, shes not going out of the house no more. Its crazy over here." She is referring to her child and to the woman who was pregnant that had been shot in the building right in back of hers. People talk. Two weeks before this woman was jumped by three girls and beaten. "Its crazy but its okay Gods going to get em"
This is the first time she is in her pajamas. Everybody is in their pajamas. The atmosphere today is total defeat. She feels with all of her and although it might be dramatic its nice to see someone care so much. School is out of reach, now a job. I had an idea when I started it would come to this. That everything might fall to pieces. Its against all odds. I see great things in her still and I care about her so much. Sometimes you have to just let people fail and just be there because that's what people do. Love is unconditional.

I look over at him while shifting through different shirts. He is now trying on a pair of high heel blue suede pumps.
"Trav," I put my hands around my waist and look at him huddled on the floor, " You do know those are girl shoes?"
He ignores me. Lately Travis has had an obsession with women's shoes and I have no idea why. He will point to different shoes I wear and what other people wear.
I go back to sorting through different shirts. I'm ready to go when I see him strut in one hot wheels boy size three and one size six patten leather red high heel pump. I let out a sigh while women around him are looking at him.
"Travis are you ready to leave?"
he nods and starts walking towards the door with pump still on and pushing his cart.
"Travis, you should put on your other shoe before someone takes it."
he stops and says no. We stand there and just look at each other.
"Ummm...Okay," I'm defeated, " well, do you want to leave,"
he nods yes.
"I do too!" I say with excitement," Well, then you need to put your shoe back on and then we can go!"
His bulging dirty boys tube sock is all I can see when he finally makes it back to his discarded shoe. He puts it back on and then walks around with the heel in his hand.
"Travis, put back the heel" I say and he sets it down as we walk out the door.


I've started skateboarding a lot more and working on my garden. Last week my Norwegian grandmother came down to help. My plot took me about two hours and at least two days of not being able to move my limbs comfortably. When I dug up my garden there were so many worms and creatures I've never seen before. Like a dirty ocean. I gently placed all the worms I found back into the dirt. Later when I looked out of the window I saw birds eating all of the worms I tried to save. Word to the wise put them deeper in the dirt.

My grandma has been really depressed lately. She stopped eating for a while and continued to take her pain medication. She eventually started to hallucinate and went into the hospital. Everyone she is close to has left. We brought her here and she was so different. Gentle. Not insulting. She helped me get the garden started. At first I had lots of different vegetables and herbs but she made me buy a bag of potatoes.

"Grandma," I look up at her and the shovel, "TWO ROWS of potatoes! They take up the whole garden. We can't plant anymore."
She stops and thinks.
"Well, okay," she says," What else you got over there"
I point and she exclaims " A bunch of herbs! ugh........okay."
Eventually I had to dig up more of my plot. Now what was once a modest small start has turned into a massive urban farm. Mostly full of potatoes.
I'm full of dirt.
"There you go Carrie, Your Victory Garden," she pauses, " At least you'll have lots of potatoes."
I look at her and we start laughing, "Yes grandma, You made sure of that"

Not usual stuff lately but really opening stuff. I feel like I'm in a big blossom stage.