Still Water

I really love running, I can hardly go a day without going for a run even if it's just for a quick mile before I go to work. I love running so much that I will go for a jog in any kind of weather. This is funny considering I was never a very athletic kid when I was younger. I hated working out which didn't go hand in hand with how chubby I was. My mother would always make me work out to Richard Simmons Sweatin to the Oldies with her in hopes that working out would just catch. It wouldn't of course so while Richard and my mom "danced" to Diana Ross Aint No Mountain High Enough in our living room I was busy in the kitchen seeing just how high I could stack a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

My love for running started after my father died of cancer. I went on a total crazy health bender. As soon as he died I became a whole different person in ways I can't even explain. I eventually ended my two year relationship with my boyfriend at the time who I thought was my total soul mate. I went to college and went through jobs with the mentality that they were seasonal positions. I also spent a lot of money on really stupid stuff and vacations with my friends. I just knew I never wanted to be tied down and I wanted immediate self gratification.

I always thought that the correlation between running and my relationships were a perfect match. If I had to use any metaphor for my life is was running. There were numerous times I tried to settle down with a few great people but I couldn't. I didn't want to stop to see what would happen and most importantly I didn't want to get hurt. I just wanted to keep my relationships as fun as possible until I started to feel scared and I would just start running again.

With age one becomes more easily tired and less restless and I am no excuse to this rule. When I first met my current boyfriend Dave I had decided to run the Twin Cities Marathon. Needless to say our first summer courtship was wonderful and this wonderful summer during my marathon training I was completely comfortable. When race day came ahead I had some minor pain in my right knee that had developed about a week before the race but I felt ready. I had about three weeks prior ran 22 miles so I felt ready. When I hit the mile marker for the 13th mile the minor knee injury became so severe that by mile 15 I had to stop. I was so devastated.

I found out later that I hadn't torn anything and just had a syndrome that was common to people who did a lot of running. I didn't have to do anything but let it heal which I thought would take about a week, maybe a month tops.

It took almost six months to heal before I could even run for a long period of time.

I would start off the same run until the pain came back and then I had to stop. It would hurt so much that I would just walk until walking was painful. I'm not going to lie it was horrible. I couldn't stand not being able to run so much that I would just cry.

Everything during this time period slowed down and it was kind of like all the things I had always avoided came rushing back hoping to be worked through. This was a hard time for me and as Dave and I grew more serious so did my insecurities. I wanted to run but I couldn't.

Needless to say it put strain on our relationship. Up to this point I really hadn't had a super serious relationship since my father had died. I meet people who I loved but I never let it get to this point before I left or sabotage. Now I had to deal with how to love someone, how to let go, and how to trust.

Dave and I have officially been together two years today. It hasn't always been easy and it has taken some work. Dave has been very patient and understanding in my awful moments. It seems that I'm slowly being able to let go and to take the plunge into the unknown to see what happens and coincidentally I haven't been much of a long distance runner ever since my knee injury. Everything has slowed down and I guess I feel like I am blooming. I have let love into my life one petal at a time.

I could have not come to this point if it wasn't for Dave. I really hope Dave and I make it and I can have the wonderful opportunity to hoard him to myself until I die but realistically I know things change. Whatever happens I know that I couldn't have came to this healthy place without him and I will always be grateful to him for that.