About a month ago I decided to chop off my long hair and dye it back to my original color which is dark brown. My hair turned black and I resembled myself maybe about 8 years ago. It was weird because while it was me it wasn't me at all. Sometimes I wouldn't even recognize me. So I washed my hair about 5 times a day hoping the color would come out. Before this whole thing started I colored my hair red because it reminded me of when I first met Dave and I had bright red hair that was longer but that wasn't me either. Although this was an expensive lesson of buying cheap home hair products it was a great acknowledgement that Yes, I am a different person then I've ever been before. Sometimes it's hard to see the progression, like a baby until it grows up to be 9.
Yesterday I had a client write an email to my boss complaining that I'm horrible at cleaning their house and they don't want me to return. A husband and wife with two children and he wrote saying that I had left all of these things behind which I never did. His wife stays home during the day and I wonder why didn't she stand up for me? Obviously she was the one that left her lunch dishes on counters, etc. I then began to fantasize about the husband being this complete neat freak and goes crazy if there is a crumb on the counter. Maybe she was throwing me into the fire to save herself and I suppose since I don't have to live with him I can handle it. It still made me sad though and soared me into all of these different emotions like "I can't even get cleaning right". I guess for a little time it made me feel like a loser. So I went jogging later that morning and it was a beautiful sunny day in the cities. The kind of day where you think how it's all worth it to live here and I let everything go. I kept telling myself "live in the present" and there I was smelling the fresh cut grass, watching as the trees slowly part to open up the view of the river and Minneapolis. Later that night I also thought about how some people will never mix which is OK. It's a hard lesson to deal with especially me who has to be liked by everyone.
During the weekend we worked in the garden. Actually it's my boyfriends plot and up until this year we have always had different gardens because the garden has always been kind of a personal thing for Dave, his area anyways. This year we are sharing so I don't have to make the semi long commute to mine and I was afraid that it would make things tense but Dave says "our garden" many times with great flow and ease. So we worked in Our Garden this weekend and it was nice. It made me feel honored in a way.
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