The Hell With It...

Today for a moment I started thinking about everything in my life and this rush of worries came over me. It was really intense and I felt sick to my stomach. Then the rational part of me that usually sleeps in during these times was totally awake and said " why do you care about all of this stuff so much? what will be will be. What doesn't work out the hell with it" This calming way came over me. It was wonderful. I like to hope that soon to be 30th year will bring a lot more of this, along with a lot more of other great things.

Later in the night I was able to go for a night run which I hardly do. Fall is a strange adjustment but I guess I'm starting to get used to the dark night seeping into dinner hours. October is a wonderfully creepy month. The moon always seems yellow, the leaves are crunchy on the ground with bare dark trees that sweep around in a whispering wind. Whispering winds are funny aren't they? Its great when you finally make the connection because it's so true.

For over two months I've been running without a music player something I never thought I would ever be able to do in my whole entire life. I used to get ready for a run and then if I switched on my player right before I started out and it died I would turn right around and go back inside to save the run for another time. Its a hard adjustment at first since you feel tired easier. After a while you don't notice anymore and its really interesting how running is like meditation. So much of you is off somewhere else, another place thats listening to the sound of your heart beat and the movement of your breath rising and falling. I'm grateful that I finally have reached this point. It seems like it was going to take me forever, I can say that for a lot of things I suppose now..there are things that I have done that I never thought I would ever get to do. It doesn't matter how big or how small, its still cool and something to really cherish and remember.

Well I've been hooked on a show called River Monsters. Pretty much the best show ever. The fish that Wade finds is amazing. No one would ever think that some of those monster fish were lurking around in shallow water. I just read an article how there is evidence that Yetis live in Russia. Isn't that great. So much that we don't know, or so much to prove true..I love that stuff. I love that there is stuff in the world left to discover, I hope it stays that way. At least for all the dreamers and Adventurers out there.