Well life has been up to its usual tricks. I've felt kind of heavy lately...perhaps because I've been eating more junk food which I'm sure is contributing :) Cleaning has made me feel..well, suffocating in a weird way. Honestly I don't mind it and its a good hard days work. On the other hand I can feel the back of the logical part of my mind, the one that has overwhelmingly won more arguments then usual due to older age telling me in a completely nagging voice "yes but you can't do this forever!". It's true..I can't get on my knees and clean toilets forever (nor do I want to!) and by no means am I going to be able to lug twenty pound vacuums up flights of stairs. You can really tell, the older you get that there will be things that you will not always be able to do forever. You can start to feel it in your joints and curve of your back on some days aching and crying for your mercy :) I'm not old yet though and still grateful that I have a job. I guess in a way I can almost feel myself digging my grave getting myself into a pickle. Sure I may have started out on a sunny nice day with a shovel, sunglasses and a cocktail but sooner or later I'm going to realize I've dug so deep I can climb my way out. It would be easier if I knew what it was I am supposed to do but I don't. So I keep saying..tomorrow maybe I'll will figure it out! and then the days turn into weeks, weeks into months and in chimes my logical nagging mind..someone who I imagine looking like my mother but meaner "YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING SOON"
Well we have started looking for a house. Everyone says to me "Oh that's so exciting..how much fun!" or "that sounds like so much fun!" To be really truthful I hate it. I think when people think about house hunting they think "all the places I could imagine living in" which is true, this is what you think of and is the fun part but a married couple it is all the houses WE could be living in. To vent Dave is a horrible house partner. One he never looks for any houses and two he picks apart everything we find, the worst part he would never openly admit any of this being true. It has definitely made me more then once wonder where the eject button is parachute or no parachute ;) But this is what you face, and what you surprisingly realize when you do actually get married and have to make these decisions: the two of you aren't as similar as you thought you were. While it started off good" country, private, no city, good house" has turned into "I guess city as long as I can get to work, big house, as private as I can get but negoitable". I'm still on the original mode. So another thing you have to be prepared for when house hunting in my eyes is constant heartbreak. Sometimes the cheap houses will just be trashed and its sad to see such amazing places treated like that. Other times, you'll see something, want to jump on it but someone beat you to the punch meanwhile you've already mentally decorated every room of the house. The very first house that we ever considered was a great house and cheap to boot. A very RARE find that was VERY close to the city and smack dab on a city lake. CHEAP to boot but it was a foreclosure and it needed every appliance you could think of. Even that house Dave still picked, like a bird all the things that were wrong. Here we were two glasses, one half empty the other half full. I understood though but I was always raised throughout my childhood as a poor girl who always had to see the potential in things with a little elbow grease. We've only seen three houses since that one, and the third house was great. Potentially in our price range, thirty minutes out of the city, sits on a lake and almost three acres of land. Open land too, a farmers paradise. When we first arrived I saw deer, two turkeys and pheasants all within a five minute walk mind you. Its a place that could be full of imagination for children, and food seeing as we could fish and grow food. Again after seeing, a few days later Dave starts in with the picking. Will it have enough room for all of our future kids and us, is it in our price range. Its officially has become clear, I am not going to get out of the city. In fact I'll live in a big drafty house trying to convince my neighbors that beekeeping is a potentially good idea. I had a good cry over it in the shower. While I think I'm officially over scouring remax and edina reality websites I'm still going to put in a positive outlook where I end up even if its not my dream. Like the Rolling Stones "You can't always get what you want but you get what you need" which is very true and I would absolutely hate to be homeless it would be a totally drag except for all the potential free travel and lots of sleep.
Well the two things that have kept me going which I don't think I would ever have quite conceived of myself saying is cute animals and babies! Not really just any, my own animals and my new nephew Steve. Steve has been through so much, a real inspiration. He just makes hardship look easy, like no sweat off his newborn back. Its really admirable and it really does get me through even the most complicated of days. My animals well, because they are the best! and just sweet and lovable.
Bright side of things : I've had lots of sweets, my favorite and I actually get memorial day weekend off and I'm going to the place I wish I could wake up every single day Grand Marais. A very nice luxury indeed.
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