Just waiting

For weeks I've been waiting to take a biopsy to see if I have Cancer, then I took a test and now I'm just waiting for the results. It's been about a month total. It has been an emotional month needless to say-as it feels like there is always this crazy person sitting in the corner of my brain that my what exists of my rational self has to calm down. Sometimes it has got the best of me and then for the whole day I felt like I lost, I'm the worst person ever. I'm having one of those days today. I wish I had a sister to talk to-why did my mom have to stop at me?!

I wish cancer wasn't such a household name in my family so I could just shrug off even the slightest bit of possibility.

Today I had a bad mothering day to the point I wondered if I was even supposed to have kids. Maybe I was meant for something else? I'm just so bad at it - I definitely don't have that natural mothering bone. I love Delano and I can honestly say that he is the best thing I've ever contributed to the world.

Today I'm grateful for a nice day with warm breezes. Knowing that at least one of our rescue outdoor kitties made it through the winter . TV. I hate to be grateful for so etching that takes up so much ofmy time but it has been a nice form of escape.