Same Old Say'ins

I'm really happy I deleted my last post. I didn't want to reread it ever again just because of how heavy it felt.

I can only describe my life recently in two same old sayings "don't judge a book by its cover" and "be careful for what you ask for". I guess to start off I think that I want all of these things in my life..like a family, house , etc. and I do honestly feel that I do...someday. I don't know why I feel like I have to rush things. I don't want to rush things and be horribly unhappy, not when I have this wonderful opportunity to soak in life day to day and take things as they come naturally. SO thats that. I'm officially over that whole weird late 20s semi overly dramatic crisis which is fantastic if I could sum it up in one word.

I've learned a long time ago to not assume things. Do I practice this all the time? no totally not. Recently Dave and I have been searching for a new apartment, one that is bigger, better and some place where we can see ourselves for a while (more then a year). We didn't want to pay more then 850 a mo. for a two bedroom, with hardwood floors, can allow cats, heat paid and not the garden level. I don't think we had any idea how hard it would be..I mean who would? but it's crazy hard. One place was in East St Paul which is a place I never thought I would ever be again. I thought to myself "hey I'll give it a shot". When we arrived we took one look at the house and it looked like people had came and gone for 20 years without having one inch of love or care put into it. It was a heartbreaking site that poor old torn down house. I could feel the frown on our faces immediately as we parked. "Can't judge a book by it's Cover" Dave said. "Yep" I agreed. It was once we entered the building I realized sometimes you can just judge a book by it's cover. Like for instance if a house looks like crap on the outside chances are it's going to look like crap on the inside as well. Paint was chipping off the walls, some of the ceilings were droopy from moisture, it was really dirty, the staircase was missing some of it's pegs that held up the railing, the deck looked like it was going to cave when standing on it, and the list could go on and on. Another woman who had looked at a lot of apartments in the area also ran through the showing with us. When we left we said thank you and went on our way but the other woman stayed and asked questions about it while seeming interested. On our drive home I imagined what she could possibly see in that place. Maybe she pictured some shiny new paint in her choice of colors, spending a week cleaning and putting things back together, and maybe sometimes sitting in the slanted living room throwing a ball to the other end and watching it roll back to her. I guess it could be her own diamond in the rough. Reaching the conclusion really no matter how bleak something looks from the outside, and once you've judged the inside as well there is always a tiny bit of hope, or light maybe your just not the one that was meant to see it or you have to find ways to let all of it in on a whole new level.

Well this is my gratitude journal and I can honestly say the one thing that I've been hands down grateful for is all the super amazing healthy, simple food I've been eating lately. Take for instance tonight I had homemade sweet potato soup with fresh cooked green beans from the garden. The past weekend I had amazing thai food, an amazing egg white omelet, my favorite pizza, and fresh fish. I guess I'm grateful to be in the good fortune of all this good food and the amazing love ones that make this stuff for me..and the people I pay as well :) Now that the garden has bloomed its even more exciting to eat more eggplant parm and having capresse salads for lunch. I do feel almost guilty thinking about it all. I guess I'm very glad I'm giving a majority of my garden away so I'm sharing the greatness of good food. It hasn't been going over too well on the whole wearing pants circuit. I guess Im just so over trying to look hot and skinny and just wanting to feel healthy, happy and content. Thats all I really want in life.