Hello Baby

Well our baby came.. And we've been busy and tired. I'm not even sure if ill ever finish this entry til he's 18.

Everything about a baby at first for me was nothing how I envisioned it. I didn't have super high expectations but for my birth I thought my water would break, we'd rush to the hospital, I'd have him hours later maybe naturally and it would be this beautiful moment. Nope, I had to be induced that took two days, finally after crying and pleading they let me vacuum him out, basically like a huge plunger. It was all gross, I was so tired I was shaking, my hair was matted from rolling around. The one thing that didn't change was my moment of love with newly emerged baby Del while the vacuum team of specialists swarm the room. There is still something about meeting your new baby, a mixed pot of relief, happiness, love, fear and maybe some bewilderment. I was in the hospital for what seemed like forever.
No one tells you about the recovery process, mine has been extra long and hard with now everything feeling better. No one tells you how scary the first weeks are where many of nights I would cry myself to sleep wondering what did I do? I'm not made for this?
Things have settled now, it does get easier or different. Nothing is ever the same again. There are many doors you can walk through and still feel like you except for the kid door, it is something that changes your whole life, you and the way you've viewed the world.
Sounds crazy huh?
Scary?
Yep. It's all those things wrapped in a tiny bundle of soft skin, sweet breath and tiny toes and fingers.

The other night it was quiet with just me and Del. I had him in my arms and we were both looking in the mirror. His big eyes glued on us swaying back and forth. It was such a sweet moment in which is hard to describe in words just something time had carved out for us.

Christmas is almost here. I think my fav presents are the small thoughtful ones, Like my favorite lotion.